All I want for Christmas......

Ok I'm ashamed to admit, I messed up Christmas. I got a huge strop on a couple of days before, when Duane's back went and he was laid up. I had so much to do and had put too much pressure on myself to have a perfect Christmas and it all just slipped away. Hope I'll do better next year (note my new positivity please.)

4 days after I turned 30. WOOHOO!!!! Never thought I would be so happy to be 30 but I'm bloody thrilled! It kind of feels like a new corner too. Another decade in front of me.

I'm reluctantly going on holiday on Friday. I have got in such a state this week deciding wether or not to go. The probem is (and please don't call social services) that we are going alone, as in leaving the girls oh no did I say that aloud? Seriously I'm terrified, guilty, ashamed, and going to miss them terribly. They're going to stay at Nannys house so (as the health visitor pointed out) its not like I'm abandoning them. Duane seems to think I need a break (lol?)and he's probably right. Everyone I've spoken to says I 'deserve' it. Personally I have trouble accepting that but because everybody said the same thing I have decided (2 days prior) to book the flight and go.

I'll let you know how it went.

I'm also hoping to go to the Penny Brohn Cancer Centre (formerly named Bristol) for a 5 day retreat. Now I know I need that. Mum found out they have funded places to help with the cost and if I can get some more funding elsewhere I may get a place. That's keeping me going at the moment. It will be a chance to reflect, and learn how to move on, relax, visualise and eat healthily) sounds like heaven.