Its been a long time..

Fudge, the ankle killer :o)




I popped in here after leaving a message on someone elses blog that resulted in my name being published and a link to here. AaaaGH!!! That means theres a possibility someone could read it!
Well if thats the case I thought I'd better at least update it and lighten the mood. When signing in I accidentally typed 'my bog' instead of 'blog' but I laughed because that
really sums it up as it is full of s***. However it does show what a tough battle this melanoma brings on and how emotions can get overwhelming.
Well now I'm feeling a lot better, although not after first feeling alot worse! (yes I really could get worse). I ended up going to the dr's desperate. I'd turned into a moody, snappy, depressed person and was obsessing about dying. I hated being like it (not least for my poor family) and was VERY angry. The dr. was lovely. Very understanding and told me I was actually quite normal. (Funny that after I told Duane I was going I said I'd probably be put down under the dangerous dogs act!).
Cut short he has given me something to help me cope and I have to say I feel fantastic. My house is calm, me and Duane are getting on like a dream and I have my patience restored to deal with the daily dramas of having 3 young girls. HALLEJULLAH!
If anybody does stumble upon my ramblings and feels in a similar dark state of mind, I thoroughly reccommend getting help. I thought I was being weak and letting myself down by doing so but now I know thats not the case. Well if is who cares? I'm happy again and so is my family. (Funny how I always thought they were the problem not me! I know different now!)

Talking of family our house is ripped to shreds, I still have no kitchen or in fact living room or dining room, we've run out of money and to top it off Duane has (through no fault of his own) lost his job. Oh, and Christmas is coming) And I'm still happy, wow this stuffs good :o) ) I have run out of make up, and am smoking roll ups.

Yes I'm smoking. I had a trip to the oncologist who advised stress was much worse than smoking in my situation, so I'm going with that. He also advised me never to have any more children :o( sad but I know I'm fortunate to have 3 wonderful babes. So I'm getting sterilised.
I have had bcg injected into my armpits in the hope off boosting my immune system, another dose to come next week. I failed to get in the Australian vaccine trial due to having the wrong antigens.

I sprained my ankle a couple of days ago whilst riding on the downs. Fudge started rearing and plunging, I came out the saddle a little and was coming back down as he came back up, my ankle kind of jarred in the stirrup. It is mega swollen and very bruised. Quite impressive bruising I say. Lucky its the other ankle to my skin graft. I'd hate to think what would happen if that swelled up!

Well thats enough for now, I'm gonna go and figure out how to add pics here. Bye for now xxx